What Am I Trying To Prove...

  Last week we really cleaned house. I needed to do a spring cleaning anyhow, but Abigail turned 12 and I needed to feel comfortable with my mess before we had the bonfire. You know, in case someone came inside for a drink or something. Nevermind the fact that 20 + kids were running up, down stairs, in and out of the house! Proven recipe for house trashing.

  Anyhow the whole while I was trying to make myself comfortable with my mess, I was thinking: so what? Am I trying to pretend  that I really keep things together?
  No, otherself insists, you are spring cleaning, it just happens to happen right before a birthday party.     
  You're  a fake, Oneself declared, this will last a few hours and you wont be able to tell a vacuum came within 1 mile. You know you can't keep up this facade! 
  Otherself mumbles, You used to love cleaning house, now look! She keeps scrubbing, maniacally, only looking 2'' ahead, it's her method to keep from getting overwhelmed. Suddenly, after 25 years (of actual caring about clean), she realizes that no one else really cares and this really isn't very fun anymore. She sits up and is decidedly bored with house cleaning. How can I stop? Otherself despairs quietly.  There is no end, and how deep into this mess do I go?
 There is no end, Oneself announced, I will do this until I fall over dead, unless something changes. 

 It must be in the air because I had a message on facebook this morning to join a 

June Daily Challenge. 

Everyday starting June 1st. we will be doing something creative every day, and sharing it. Setting aside the frantic, desperate, fruitless attempts to keeping a house immaculate, delving back into the things that gave us joy before we fell into this bottomless pit.  

 Sewing (mending doesn't count!), baking beautiful things, trying outlandish recipes (that take up more time than you were allotted before). 

Flower gardening (vegetables don't count). Paint that mural on the chicken house. 

How about all those antique chairs in the barn loft that need new seats! Hurray! 

Actually life may become richer, fuller, messier in a beautiful way. Less time spent fooling around doing sudoko puzzles because you can't stand another pile of mismatched socks, let them stay in the basket shoved under the table! Does my neighbor care?

That's ok, if it's pancakes for supper every night. Because what if the next day I'm making my own ravioli with goat cheese in sauce that has simmered 4 hours. Menus flung out the window, chore carts set aside, Lets allow ourselves to be creative and accept things the way they are: messy and full. 

Yes we will still weed the garden, milk the goats, wash the dishes and laundry, and, dear husband, I will still hold the fort down, it just might be a disaster at times, but hey, as long as supper's good and we are all smiling- I know that that's what really makes you glad to be home.